In lieu of an in-person meeting, this week's "Parents As Resident Theologians" class will be held online, right here on RE-Connect!
This week's topic:
Theological Questions, continued.
Opening Words:
The great end in religious instruction, is not to stamp our minds upon the young, but to stir up their own; not to make them see with our eyes, but to look inquiringly and steadily with their own; not to give them a definite amount of knowledge, but to inspire a fervent love of truth; not to form an outward regularity, but to touch inward springs; not to bind them by ineradicable prejudices to our particular sect or peculiar notions, but to prepare them for impartial, conscientious judging of whatever subjects may be offered to their decision; not to burden memory, but to quicken and strengthen the power of thought. — William Ellery Channing
As parents and religious educators, we have been greatly influenced by these words by Channing. So much so, that it is sometimes difficult to discern the difference between "stamp[ing] our minds" on our children and offering our own opinions or understandings. It is vital to understand this quotation in its context. Religious Education in Channing's time and religion consisted essentially of catechesis and little else. Though Catechism is still in use, even in liberal religious denominations (see here for a modern example and here for a more academic example, based on a Channing sermon) it is no longer the norm for liberal protestantism. In Channing's time, however, the idea that a religious question might be posed to a child who would answer from his or her own mind was radical.
Within Unitarian Universalism (and many other religious communities as well) it is widely accepted that children have the capacity to develop their own religious understandings from their lived experience and interactions. In fact, in some respects the balance has slipped the other way: UU parents sometimes fear articulating their own beliefs to their children out of a deep desire to avoid leading too directly. The value of freedom of belief is one we hold so dearly that it can cause us to forget one of our other deeply held values: the use of experience and education in the development of our religious understandings.
Identifying Our Core Beliefs about God:
Take a moment to think about and write down three things that you believe are true (or not true) about God.
-Where/When/How did you come to believe those things?
-What personal experiences or interactions led you to develop these beliefs?
-Is there something or someone in your life without which/whom your beliefs would be different? Why?
Take a moment to relate your thoughts in the comments to this post (see the link immediately below the post.)
With very few exceptions, we develop our beliefs within a context, given our own personal situations, experiences and interactions. Your children have begun a lifelong process of developing their own beliefs and one of the key interactors in their work will be you, their parents.
Within Unitarian Universalism, we speak of six sources which help us form our religious identities. As your children develop their own religious understandings, each of these sources (in many different forms) will play a role.
Look through the list of sources here. Is there one that stands out as particularly influential in your own life? Why? (Comment below)
Children's Religious Development:
In their essay, "Children's Developing Concepts of God," Roberta and Christopher Nelson write:
It is crucial that we companion our children on the journey of changing ideas and concepts. We should be there to listen, to hear, to ask clarifying questions and accept where they are in their development. They need us to share where we are without negating where they are.
Download the entire (brief) essay here.
Though the use of the word "development" can suggest an arc from one distinct place to another distinct place, this isn't the case with religious understanding. There isn't a particular goal of understanding we are trying to help our children work towards. Rather, our job as parents and religious educators is to help our kids develop tools for making meaning in their lives. When our kids ask us "Is there a heaven?" or "Do you believe in God?" it is an effort to not only get at the "facts" of the matter, but also to create meaning and assign value to particular situations, people or feelings they might have.
When a child asks "Do you believe in hell?" there might be a wide range of layers beneath the question, like: "what happens after we die?" or "is God watching us?" or even "what is the Earth made out of?"
Take a look at the list of theological questions we brainstormed in our last class (below.) Pick one of these questions and brainstorm an auxiliary list of all the other questions that might be hidden in layers under the one posed:
• What happens when you die?
• Why did people kill Jesus?
• Are you a Christian?
• Where is God?
• Was Jesus a good guy or a bad guy?
• Is there a God?
• Do you believe in God?
• Why do bad things happen?
• What form does God take?
• Did God make _____________?
• Does God love _____________?
• What is God's relationship to evil?
• Are things we disagree with evil?
• Was Jesus a King?
• Who made the world?
Though no parent can be expected to read all the layers of your child's questions, knowing the context of a question can help you answer the question they are really asking. That's why a well placed, "why do you want to know?" or "what do you think?" can often be helpful, in order to help you read their question properly.
It is true that sometimes this fishing for context ends up allowing for space for your child to answer their own question, but remember that the answer isn't always the most important part (whether it's your answer or your child's.) We ask religious questions not only to find answers, but to find meaning. An example conversation:
Child: "What happens to us after we die?"
Adult: "Why do you ask?"
Child: "My teacher said that her cat went to heaven after he died but I think that's stupid because there is no heaven. When we die we get buried and stay under the ground forever and ever."
Technically, the child answered her own question. She already has an opinion about what happens after we die. The context gives a better understanding that she has encountered a challenge to her beliefs, that she may want not necessarily an answer from you, but a sense of solidarity or affirmation (and that she may benefit from hearing about the value of diversity of belief.) Some of the layers that might be at work here include: "why do people believe different things?" or "how do we know what to believe?"
Practice
We've talked some in class about questions that your children ask you. What about the other way around? What are the religious questions you have for your children? Take a few minutes to brainstorm a list of religious questions you'd like to have the answers to from your children (for now, don't worry about whether they can answer them or how you'd ask them, just think of the questions, regardless of your child's age or experience.)
Once you have some, make a note about one or more of the questions in the comments below. If this exercise was difficult, make a note about why in the comments below.
Homework
Last week we asked you to make a note of it when your child asks a theological question and to bring that question to the group. If you've done this already, write a comment to this post about what the question was. If you like, share how you answered it.
Closing Words:
(from Rev. Richard Gilbert:)
Life matters;
People are precious;
Deed is more important than creed;
Love is the spirit of our church;
Existence is our gift;
Meaning is our quest;
Service is our prayer;
Freedom in community is our way;
Responsibility for others is our obligation;
Reverence for life is our practice.
In the love of beauty and the spirit of truth,
we unite for the celebration of life
and the service of humanity.
